Moved in today. All I can say is...what just happened? I'm not sure what I expected coming into this, but whatever it was, it didn't even come close to my first day, which is still ongoing, might I add. I arrived alone this afternoon, having flown across the country and taxied it to campus. There I am, standing by myself with two duffels and a backpack, completely confused. Up comes orientation barbie, and I kid you not, this is how my first college conversation goes.
Barbie: "Hey freshy! You look lost! Where's your fam?"
Me: "They're not here...I came alone."
Barbie: "For real! That sucks."
Me: "...yeah..."
Barbie: "What's your name?"
Me: "Jamie"
Barbie: "Cool! So what's going on with you?"
Me: "Umm...not much. Just looking for my dorm..."
Barbie: *Laughs* "No no! I mean what's your deal-deal...you know, like, are you gay?"
Me: "Why do you want to know?"
Barbie: "It's totally cool! I love you guys! Just getting to know you! We have an awesome LGBTQ group on campus."
Me: "I'm not gay...I'm not anything really."
Barbie: "Like...Bi?"
Me: "No...just not either? It's hard to explain..."
Barbie: "Oh no I totally get you! So you're like a "Z" right? You don't believe in gender."
Me: "No I think gender's all fine and good...I'm just not anything. It's a little complicated we don't really need to discuss it..."
Barbie: "So what are you? Are you asexual?"
Me: "Not really - I mean in a way maybe but no... no."
Barbie: "Wait, what? I don't get it."
Me: "Really, it's not important. I wouldn't worry about it..."
Barbie: "Ok but seriously, are you a girl or a guy? No offense or anything..."
Me: "Can you just point me in the direction of my dorm please?"
This was the first of about five extremely uncomfortable conversations I had about my sex (or lack thereof) today, not including the arduous process of having to explain it to my suite-mates, who are all part of the LGBTQ community (I guess writing in "neither" as my sex on the application landed me in special housing) and therefore have their own philosophies on the matter. Then they began drinking immediately after the families left, something I didn't feel comfortable participating in after being grilled nonstop from the moment I arrived. Now I'm already the odd one out, and I haven't even had the chance to get settled in!
I need to figure this shit out before I lose my mind. Thing is...whatever I decide to present myself as tomorrow is going to stick with me for the next four years. I'm not ready for this.
It's going to be a long night....
-Jamie
Hey Jamie,
ReplyDeleteI know how difficult it can be when people aren't understanding, or make you uncomfortable like that. I hope people start backing off and accept you as you are.
Good luck,
Marty
Jamie,
ReplyDeleteI apologise for my earlier comment about what kind of clothes you wear, it was rude and impersonal.
All of us at times feel shitty and misunderstood and me of all people should be aware of this.
So uh... sorry
LGBTQ kids are some of the nicest people I know. I know it feels like they're singling you out, but once they get to know you, they'll have your back. Also, they're probably the most likely to actually try to understand what it's like for you. Relax with 'em, have a drink or two, and make them adore you for genderless you.
ReplyDelete